Saturday, May 20, 2006

silence hurts

"You annoy me, and I put up with you annoying me; therefore I have the right to annoy you, and you should put up with my annoying behavior and shouldn't complain to me."

I was just having this argument with myself, but it seems like something I might have heard once. This seems like such a lame argument. Let me tell you why.

Being annoyed silently makes it hard for me to other things (such as study, read, watching TV, or wash dishes even). When you aren't united because of disharmony, then you can kiss love, peace, and cooperation goodbye. We need those.

If a person is doing something to majorly annoy you, then you should let them know. That doesn't mean that you demand change, but rather just lets them know that you'd prefer to be not annoyed, so you need to come to peace with whatever is happening. The extremes would be that the annoyer modifies their behavior and that's it. The other extreme is that the annoyee learns to be happy with the annoyer continuing their behavior and nothing more. Somewhere between these two extremes is where we will probably end up.

Reasonable people are willing to modify their behavior at least slightly. For instance, if someone got annoyed by my eating yoghurt, then I wouldn't stop eating it. But I might avoid eating it whilst perched on the footboard of that person's bed every morning.

So when I tell you that something you do annoys me, then don't expect me to demand you to change completely. Instead, be prepared to discuss and compromise. We both have a right to our feelings. Also if a person wants to, they can take the time to inventory what you do that annoys them. We all annoy and get annoyed. Why not release the pressure? Why not end the silent suffering and come to terms with our surroundings?


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